im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
