Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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