Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
