This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
