Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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