I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
