Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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