She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
