Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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