haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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