So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
