I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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