Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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