so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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