so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
