They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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