Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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