i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
