Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
