apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
