Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
