stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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