Yo dont text me then not text me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
