I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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