where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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