so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
