not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk is not a location!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
