dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
