Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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