we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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