I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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