We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
