Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
