I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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