Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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