so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
