I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
