U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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