Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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