i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
