i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
