i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
