Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Houston, we have a squirter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
