Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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