3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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