He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
