it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
