yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
