a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
