I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
