there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
