3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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