Yo dont text me then not text me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
