Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
