in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Still dying that you shit outside
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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